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Title:	Untitled
Date:	2007-10-25 @ 22:24
Security:	public
Location:	Home
Music:	I Luv U - Dizzee Rascal

Have managed to get printer to work after many months, so finally successfully printed off Love Music Hate Racism membership form. Offered to pay the fee myself but I think she's so pleased I'm showing a passion for something useful my mother said she'll pay my first year. I get a free t-shirt and badge, so I think I'll choose the white one for now and ask for the pink one with the different logo on it for my birthday. And wear them around the Valleys. It's not as if they hold events anywhere around here so I'll do it myself. I'm going to be told if any of the BNP target schools in the area (I doubt they'll bother to be honest) and if they do I'm going to plan a special lesson or assembly for the teachers to do with the children. Have to try and stop the disease spreading somehow.
Am going to Liam's housewarming on Saturday, I didn't even know he'd moved. I expect it'll be a pretty quiet affair, unless he's invited people from work. Which he might well have actually, so scrap my earlier comment. Tell you all about it afterwards.. well, okay I won't because I'm sure it'll be nothing to write home about. What is, around here?

Happy John Peel Day too everyone, hope you've listened to Teenage Kicks at least once today =)

xxx

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Title:	Tredegar town
Date:	2007-10-14 @ 01:01
Security:	public
Location:	Home
Music:	Love My Way - Psychadelic Furs

Tonight was okay, given my expectations of every Saturday night out in Tredegar. Maybe I'm just saying it was okay so I don't have to admit that I was bored out of my mind, felt alienated around people I grew up with, and that nothing really happened. I don't know why I think something, anything, is ever going to happen here. Most people are born here, grow up here, get married to someone local here, bring up their children here and then die here. And I just can't do that. Continuing to live here is slowly sucking however much life is left out of me, I can feel it.
There are moments that are okay, but that's all they are, it's nowhere near enough. Like talking to my ex-recently-turned-good-friend, I can tell he still loves me but there's not enough there, there's not enough with anyone. Because the people around here are different to me, I see things differently and I feel things differently and I can't figure out why it's different, why I'm not like them. Why it's enough for them but not for me, it's not like I'm anything more special than they are. But I only have to sit in the Red for an hour or less before it becomes clear to me that I'm not made for what seems to be the norm in this town. I'm just not.
I'm sorry, this is probably just regrettable drunken rambling but it makes me feel a little better to say it all.
xxx

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Title:	Hi...
Date:	2007-10-12 @ 22:40
Security:	public
Location:	Home
Music:	Charlotte Sometimes - The Cure
Mood:	lost

I've almost forgotten how to do this, post an entry.
I'm rockxstarxgirl btw, in case you haven't looked at my profile page. And I'm back.
I've gone through a lot since I last posted, which I know was a long time ago. You can ask me about it if you like, I don't mind talking about most of it because it only hurts if I think about it a lot, just reeling off the story shouldn't do me too much harm but I'd rather not go into it if you're not all that interested.
It's all led to me changing my life about and trying to decide what I want. Right now what I want is to get away for a bit, see somewhere different from this little Valleys town which, as much as I suppose I do love really, is killing me at the moment. It really is like Satellite City here, only without most of the funny bits. The old London-love is rearing its head again, and I don't quite know what to do about it. I didn't do anything last time, just dreamt about being older and living there with some really cool people and maybe actually graduating to being a cool person myself. This time, I am older and don't have the things holding me back that I did before, yet I'm still doing nothing about it.
I'm having a night out tomorrow but don't get too excited, it's only Tredegar town. A trawl of the old men's pubs on the one night they pretend to be Cardiff nightclubs and there's not actually an old man in sight. The Castle plays some random good music sometimes, like the first night I went there and they played a few Amy Winehouse songs - I sat with my double vodka (ridiculously priced for Tred) and sang to every word, feeling slightly more reassured after that. Until I bumped into my ex who I hadn't seen since I'd finished with him two years previously. That was a shock. But we ended up talking for an hour or so, til one of my best friends' older brother caught up with me. We used to hate each other from the age of six until he left school, but that night we talked and talked until chucking out time and did the same thing the next two Saturdays. Then he left for uni the following week, some four hours away. Typical.

xxx

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